ClickHole

Much-Needed Fix: EA Has Announced An Upcoming Patch To Get Rid Of The Obsidian Pillars In ‘Madden 18’ That None Of The NFL Players Will Stop Worshipping

If you’ve been playing EA’s Madden NFL 18 and noticed some major problems with the gameplay, you’ll be happy to know that a fix for one of the most aggravating bugs might be on the way soon: EA has announced that it will be releasing a patch to get rid of the obsidian pillars that none of the NFL players in the game will stop worshipping.

This patch could not have come soon enough. For the majority of players, Madden 18 had been rendered completely unplayable because of the jet-black obelisks that appeared spontaneously in the middle of the game’s virtual football fields and caused all of the playable and non-playable NFL figures in the game to immediately start bowing to it and chanting in unison in an unrecognizable language.

For the past several months, the EA forums have been choked with furious threads from fans complaining about the massive bug, and it was clear that many of them had grown frustrated with watching their entire team stop responding to player controls and start running of their own accord into the middle of the football field so that they could lie prostrate in front of a thousand-foot pillar as a sign of total devotion to its enigmatic purpose. Just take a look at some of the angry comments that were lighting up EA’s message boards:

This widespread glitch has made it close to impossible to play Madden 18 online. Every time an obelisk appears during play, thousands of digital referees rush onto the field and kneel before it alongside all of the NFL players. The sheer amount of characters onscreen has caused servers to crash, and many EA customers have quit trying to play Madden 18 online entirely.

We’ll see if this new patch will help EA win back some of these players who got tired of having their game interrupted to watch a virtual Bill Belichick fall to his knees in front of a towering onyx monolith and shout, “Humanity is jut a stepping-stone to something far greater!” every 15 minutes.

Fortunately, after months of complaints, it looks like EA is finally responding to its fans with a downloadable patch that will hopefully fix this bug once and for all. The company sent out a tweet earlier today that suggests that it’s finally going to do something about the black obelisks that capture the mindless, fanatical devotion of every player in the game. Here’s hoping the patch works so that we can get back to playing Madden 18 without the hassle of dealing with obsidian pillars that everyone in the NFL is willing to kill and die for!


I am 18 or over and willing to view sexually explicit material