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‘Miley Cyrus Is, And Has Always Been, Far Too Weak On Trade With China’: 5 Questions With Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez isn’t letting her past as a Disney Channel star hold her back. While she might have gotten her start as a child actress on Wizards Of Waverly Place, at the age of 25, she’s now starring in movies, TV shows, and is dropping hit singles left and right—including her latest, titled Fetish. The multitalented actress and singer was kind enough to sit down with us and answer five questions about her life in the limelight.

1. You’re famously best friends with Taylor Swift, and have been for some time now. Is there any chance there’s a collaboration between you two in the works?

I don’t want to give anything away, but we’ve been asked to co-write a dirge for the Aflac duck to sing at the funeral of someone who died in a tornado and didn’t have that kind of insurance. At this point, I’m just so excited that I can finally make the kind of art that I’ve always wanted with the people I love.

2. You and Miley Cyrus both came up through the Disney Channel as kids, yet have managed to have great careers in Hollywood as adults. What are the main differences between you two?

I would have to say that Miley is, and has always been, very weak on trade. In 2018, we need to take a much more proactive stance against China and the Asian Tigers, yet Miley continues to let Xi Jinping walk all over us.

3. You and Justin Bieber have such a complicated history. What is the nature of your relationship with him now?

Look, we’re just friends. He sings me songs about bears, and I do his taxes. He sorts out all the broken macaroni noodles from my bowl, and I test his asthma inhalers to make sure they’re not poisoned. He cries into a small vial and sends it to me, and I keep them in my safety deposit box. It’s just like any other relationship.

4. At this point, you’ve dated both Nick Jonas and Justin Bieber. So, we can’t help but ask: Who’s the better kisser?

That’s tough! Nick does this thing with his tongue where it gets ice-cold and then it shatters like glass, but Justin is really good at counting my teeth with his teeth. But neither one of them holds a candle to the food court janitor I kissed in Boise, Idaho when we both had mouthfuls of Orange Julius. When that Julius melded together in our mouths, it was magic. He dropped his mop, I dropped my curly fries, and our mouths quickly fell in love with each other 100 times in a row. Unfortunately, last I heard he’s dating Debby Ryan.

5. You have unofficially been dubbed the reigning queen of Instagram. How did you get so successful on that platform?

I’ll be honest. It’s mostly just my nana and her 100 million friends.


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