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The Merger Pays Off: Under Amazon, Whole Foods Will Begin Selling Succulent Drone Meat In Winter 2017

When Amazon acquired Whole Foods earlier this summer, it set off a flurry of speculation about what changes the new ownership would make to the organic supermarket chain. Lower prices? Same-day grocery delivery? An Alexa in every store? Well, wonder no more; the changes are here, and frankly, they rule. Foodies rejoice, because under Amazon, Whole Foods is going to start selling succulent drone meat this winter!

Um, could this merger have turned out any cooler? We’re already getting hungry just thinking about it.

Starting in November, Whole Foods customers will be able to buy fresh organic drone meat, harvested directly from Amazon’s vast supply of delivery drones. Starting at a reasonable $4.75 per pound, the tender, flaky meat will be available both bone-in and boneless at Whole Foods deli counters. According to Whole Foods, some stores will even stock pre-seasoned drone meat, starting with Cajun style and marinated sweet Thai chili options, as well as a rotating selection of hot prepared drone-meat meals.

It all adds up to one thing, though: Thanks to Amazon, Whole Foods has finally taken all the stress out of painstakingly catching drones, cracking them open, and scooping out all the goop to get at their juicy meat.

Whole Foods put out a statement this morning announcing the new addition, assuring customers that it’s a sign of good things still to come:

“Whole Foods Market remains totally committed to selling quality organic groceries at affordable prices. Through our partnership with Amazon, we’re thrilled to finally have a steady source of drone meat that meets our high cruelty-free, antibiotic-free, and GMO-free standards, and we can’t wait to begin stocking it for our customers this winter. Whether it’s drone consommé or just seared drone with a squeeze of lemon, Whole Foods customers should look forward to plenty of new culinary options in 2018.”

Pretty cool! Here’s hoping they get cartons of drone eggs in soon!

And no doubt, Whole Foods must be pretty happy to see that the customer response has been totally enthusiastic so far:

If this is what we can expect from Whole Foods in the future, we’re pretty dang excited for this new era!


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