ClickHole

Major Loss: Michelangelo’s David Has Been Devoured By Foxes After A Museum Security Guard Forgot To Spray Fox Poison On It

Sadly, the world lost one of history’s greatest artistic masterpieces today. After centuries of being celebrated as the pinnacle of Renaissance sculpture, Michelangelo’s David has been completely devoured by foxes after a museum security guard forgot to spray it down with fox poison.

This is a dark day for the artistic community.

According to reports, last night at around midnight, the security guard in charge of Michelangelo’s iconic David statue forgot to spray it with its nightly dose of fox poison and inadvertently allowed a pack of foxes to enter the Galleria dell’Accademia di Firenze. Just minutes after entering the museum, a group of six to seven hungry adult foxes bypassed the unsuspecting guard, smelled the David for traces of fox poison, and when they found none, immediately devoured one of history’s greatest masterpieces whole.

Always on the alert, the ravenous fox family had reportedly been circling the museum for weeks, waiting for the guard to slip up just one time so they could consume the 17-foot marble David in its entirety. After realizing in the morning that he had forgotten to spray the iconic statue the night before, the security guard reportedly rushed into the viewing room only to find his worst nightmare sitting right in front of him: an empty stand with nothing but a pair of David’s marble feet surrounded by several fat, bloated foxes lying fast asleep.

“There are no words to describe the immense loss the world experienced today after Michelangelo’s worst fear—that foxes would devour his masterpiece—sadly came to fruition,” gallery curator Antonio Gioni announced during a press conference. “We tried our best to deter the foxes for as long as we could, but unfortunately, we let one of the greatest sculptors in all of history down. Simply put, nature was ready, but for the first time since 1504, we were not.”

Wow. While nothing can bring Michelangelo’s David back, thankfully, the Italian authorities are currently in the process of tracking down and killing the guilty foxes one at a time. Here’s to hoping that the art world can learn from this loss, and that this is the last of man’s great works to be devoured by wild animals!


I am 18 or over and willing to view sexually explicit material