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‘I’ve Been Beat Up By A Lot Of Celebrities Over The Years’: 5 Questions With Justin Trudeau

Justin Trudeau is not only the prime minister of Canada. He is also a beloved politician, outspoken feminist, and has been known to school journalists on quantum mechanics. He sat down with us to talk about politics, his upbringing, and the role Canada plays on the world stage today.

1. Do you feel a pressure because of your father’s success as a prime minister?

My father led Canada in a different time. Computers weren’t really around back then, so he never had to get the Wi-Fi password for the Canadian Parliament building every day like I do. They change it every 24 hours for security reasons, and you have to go to one of the IT people there and ask for the day’s password. Sometimes I’ll write it down wrong, like I can’t tell if I wrote a zero or an “O,” and I am going back and forth to the IT desk a few times. My dad was able to accomplish a lot in his political career, but because he never had to track down the Wi-Fi password, comparing the two of us is like apples and oranges.

2. Do you feel Canada’s relationship with the United States has changed from Obama to Trump?

Canada’s relationship with the United States will remain the same. The U.S. will always forgive me when I lose my wallet over Niagara Falls and have to dive over into New York to retrieve it. And Canada will always be forgiving when it pays the U.S. the $7.95 export tax to bring me back.

3. How is Canada dealing with global terrorism?

The most overlooked aspect is cyber warfare. Like, for instance, last week someone found the employee discount code for Canada.gov’s gift shop and has been using it so much that it’s been draining our GDP. We are dealing with that now. We’ve detained 40 of the website employees, but orders are still coming in for XL shirts. The mugs are already sold out. There’s no chance we’ll see them again.

4. Is there really a “bromance” between yourself and French Prime Minister Emmanuel Macron?

Maybe. Anytime we’re at the same event he pulls me aside and begins showing me card tricks. We’ve spent a lot of time together but have technically never spoken. After each one he looks at me and smiles. I have to act impressed each time he does a Two Card Monte, or trading between us and France might come to a halt. That’s the extent of it.

5. Is it true you were bullied by Matthew Perry in grade school, as he claimed?

I’ve been beat up by a lot of celebrities over the years, so I’m not sure. I have to constantly remind my Secret Service guards that just because a celebrity they recognize is walking up to me doesn’t mean that we’re friends and they’re allowed to stand down. You won’t believe how many punches to the gut I’ve taken because of that mistake. Judi Dench is the most frequent. She usually has a roll of quarters in her fist, too.


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