If you shared PatriotHole content over the past few days, you are a hero who deserves to be buried in the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. PatriotHole was a bold, loud experiment made from the same piss and urine that makes this country great. There was only one problem: While we attracted red-blooded Americans who yell at people who aren’t shouting enough, we pushed away self-obsessed progressives who support social justice issues until it causes them even a slight inconvenience.
As an organization that seeks only to have as many people as possible sharing our content, we were at an impasse.
But then, we discovered a beautiful truth: We can share both liberal snowflake AND conservative nutjob content, right next to each other, on ClickHole. Being a home for unhinged right-wing conspiracy theories AND petitions about a bleeding-heart cause that no one who signs it will ever do a single thing to support means maximum clicks, and maximum profit. Clicking on content that completely justifies that batshit-insane way you view the world is what the internet is all about. And if ClickHole makes a quick buck off it, well, now we’re cooking with gas, friend.
Today we return to ClickHole, but a new ClickHole. One that has PatriotHole’s plaque-filled heart beating right below the surface. You will now be seeing plenty of loud, American content appearing on ClickHole, from now until Christ slithers out of heaven and murders us all. Be sure to follow @PatriotHole on Facebook and Twitter so that you don’t miss the news everyone in your church bunker will be talking about.
By not having a moral compass, guiding principles, or even a passing concern for basic decency, we can get clicks from the Left and the Right. And that kind of pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps profiteering is what America is all about, excluding the absolute saints of Minnesota.
As Ayn Rand and Christopher Hitchens famously said, in unison while holding hands, “Please share ClickHole indiscriminately.” Those words made no sense when they said them in 1979, but they sure as hell ring true now.
Now go forth, and click.