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Chocolate Lovers, Despair! These Arid Wastelands Have Nary A Hint Of Cocoa As Far As The Eye Can See

Here ye come to hope’s end, chocolate lovers, for before you lies naught but chocolateless desolation!

If you are one who loves to indulge in chocolate delights, woe unto you, for you have come upon a place most terrible! These crumbling wastes bear no shred of sweet cocoa in all their inhospitable vastness!

Chocolate lovers, behold your nightmares made manifest: acre after acre of desiccated deadland, without a trace of the melty good stuff that you drizzle on literally everything for dusty miles in any direction!

There are no rocks here that may conceal a sinfully decadent lava brownie in their faint shade, nor trees, nor life of any stripe. This land harbors only dust and death and ghosts long-forgotten. Chocolate lovers, you now confront the void.

Here the searing rays of the despotic sun have scoured this cracked bitter land of every last chip of melt-in-your-mouth goodness! Here the howling idiot wind rips all but the lowliest gnarled scrub from its rooted place, that no shred of after-dinner delight may find purchase! This is indeed a blighted land!

Wail, choco addicts, and make this cloudless vault of sky tremble with your lamentations! Gnash your teeth, chocolate lovers, and beat your breast, and rend your garments, for before you stretches dusty oblivion! Aye, zero percent cacao!

Surely this desert caravan must carry in its trading-chests some forgotten scrap of white chocolate or else a rawhide sack of cocoa powder! Surely in some faraway oasis they must have exchanged what few goods and baubles they had on some small portion of that rejuvenating treat!

Ah, but their stores are as dry and empty as the desert itself, for the wasteland is pitiless, and its denizens lead lean, stooped lives. Do you understand now, chocolate lovers? Do you see?

Weep, chocolate lovers. Weep before this dry, dead place.


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