ClickHole

8 Signs You’re About To Get Fired

Hope you already used all your vacation days…

1. Your boss stores his whisk collection in your parking spot: If you pull up to find thousands of whisks in your reserved space, you may as well start putting all of your belongings in a box right then and there.

2. Your boss begins emitting musk from his firing glands: If you smell cream of mushroom soup mixed with a hint of masking tape, you’d better start packing up your desk.

3. They dump your DNA from the company gene archive: Sure, they’ll say they’re moving your sample to the Yucca Mountain facility, but those chromosomes are for sure in the dumpster out back.

4. Your desk has been replaced by a Cinnabon kiosk: Try not to read into it too much, but odds are if a full-service Cinnabon kiosk has been built over your desk, you’ll be in the unemployment line soon.

5. Your coworkers all pitch in to buy you a new job: It’s a thoughtful gesture, but it usually means bad news is on its way.

6. Your work email has been changed to “no@nonono.com”: It could be a coincidence, but bosses usually do this if they’re unhappy with someone’s performance.

7. The Dilbert comic strip on your fridge has turned into a Doonesbury about unemployment: You know it’s over when the Dilbert you have taped to your fridge turns into a very smart, dry Doonesbury strip about unemployment and senators’ salaries.

8. You are but a lowly cooper: What hope have ye, barrel-maker, of surviving yet another merger? Lo, the breadline awaits for thee.


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